After going through all of our infertility ordeal, almost as soon as our final attempt to get pregnant from the IVF treatment using donor eggs failed Erika started looking into surrogacy while I looked into adoption. From the very beginning I was against the idea of surrogacy since Quebec’s laws are not “surrogacy friendly” and the risks for us were just too great. She did not care in the least, she kept researching and eventually found a lawyer based in Toronto who had a lot of experience in the matter. She kept telling me about everything that she was reading and learning about until she finally convinced me to set up a Skype meeting with her.
The conversation was straight and to the point. She explained in detail what our expectations should be, the different options, she talked about these places that help you find surrogate candidates which, of course, cost a lot of money. She told us that quite a few of her customers search for their surrogate by themselves which obviously is less expensive but it can be that much difficult to find one. Since it is illegal in Canada to offer monetary compensation to a potential surrogate she recommended that we should look for someone who had a good job and who was not in any kind of financial need, preferably that she already had children. Basically she listed a somewhat large “shopping list” and she compared the process to dating. Both the surrogate and the intended parents (IPs) should be a good match for each other.
After finishing the conversation (and paying the corresponding fee) we started talking and decided that this might very well be worth a shot. There was one big challenge though, the whole process can be quite expensive. Even by searching for someone by ourselves and doing everything humanly possible to keep the costs as low as possible it could get to, at least, CAN$40,000.00 which is an amount that, even by using the savings that we can have readily available, we do not have. So we came up with a plan: we were going to cut down on every single unnecessary expense and put every single penny into a “Baby Fund”. Since April of 2016 we have cancelled cable, stopped going to the movies, restaurants and every single form of entertainment that would cost money. Our Friday night dates have become eating homemade sandwiches and spending the evening at a Starbucks drinking a cup of tea and playing Scrabble on our iPad 1. Basically we have been behaving as if we had a forty thousand dollar debt and we are desperate to pay it off ASAP. Fortunately during this time we both got back some money from our Tax Return and slowly the Baby Fund began to grow but the 40K mark was still very far away. At some point we contemplated the possibility of asking for donations on the internet but decided that we would take that option only if at some point in the middle of the process something extreme would happen which would put us in an impossible position to be able to solve it.
Weeks went by slowly and it was both an exciting and frustrating moment each time we would hit the mark of the following thousand. At that rate, estimating another good Tax Return and some other events, we would be able to get to the goal somewhere mid-2017, until it hit me; we did not need to have the full amount up front to get started, we could get to a certain point in which we could pay the legal fees and the medical process and the following expenses could be covered as needed. We figured that by being flexible like that we could start much sooner so we re-evaluated our estimates and here we are, actively and hopefully looking for the woman who might be willing to carry our baby and truly give us the grandest, most wonderful gift that can exist in the whole universe. The possibility of finally becoming parents.
This has been our story so far. We are in the middle of our search and the following posts will most likely be updates about it, our feelings during the process and, hopefully, about the wonderful persons that we will encounter in this journey.